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today was deliverance
had been anticipating for the svc and preparing myself quite abit for it. since last week, felt really strongly that its gonna be a turning point. and wow God works in ways that never ceases to amaze me. when pastor gave the altar call, i had no idea why but i felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to go down for it. in a sense i didnt even know how it applied to me, but still i obeyed. went to the front and saw sarah, she asked if i wanted her to pray for me and i said ok. it was actually abit awkward cos i know her ma. so haha for a few seconds i felt like oh no how that kind.
but the moment she held my hand, something was already starting.
i wont go into the details of the whole manifestation. but still im really so thankful to God.
i think that incident had really crippled me alot not just emotionally but spiritually as well. i knew i did the wrong thing made the wrong choice believed in the wrong person and ive been feeling this immense dissapointment with myself. also griping and grousing that i didnt have a friend to talk to during the entire time.blaming my friends while i cry at home alone thinking that no one bothers. then today God told me that well, he's THE friend,the one i wanted so badly to cry on and pour my hearts out to. but during the entire time, instead of running to him, i've been running away from him. how silly. he's probably the best friend anyone can have and yet i didnt fully realize it till today. kinda weird huh . but i thank God for this revelation because its so impt for me to know that God loves me even when i made wrong choices in life. even if i dissapointed all others around me, God always gives me chances. and im really thankful for that.
in the past when people ask me whether im fine from that incident, i'll say yes but honestly im not too sure about it. but today sarah asked if im alright already, i replied the same thing, and this time i knew that i really meant it.

after she finished praying there was this great liberation and freedom that i've never felt in a long time. i ask myself if i've truly forgiven + and i realized that i truly have. sounds abit sureal but i actly forgot what + did for a moment just now and now even though the memory is still vaguely there,i know for sure that it doesnt have a hold on me anymore. it wont cause me to think that im unworthy, wont cause me to think that im stupid. but im a new person and ive truly released + into God's hands. isnt it all about letting go and letting God?

sarah told me that after deliverance, altho the spirits are gone,there is still this void in our hearts and we need to fill it with God's love grace and mercy lest the hatred and unforgiveness creeps in again. so this period of sustainance is really important, or else all the deliverance will be of no use.so remember to pray and live right with God ok? =)

i havent felt so happy and free in a long long long time. life is good, and i mean it this time =) oh and of course above all, GOD is so so so good =)